George Clooney was just starting to make his move when I felt a cold nose snuffling at my neck, accompanied by an urgent soft growl. No, dammit, it wasn't George. Just my Russian Wolfhound, Gaia, suggesting with her usual subtlety that I should get the hell out of bed.
Okay, okay, I growled back at her, opening my eyes with some difficulty. I sat up, dislodging Gaia, who jumped off. I started to get up, then remembered I still had to do my affirmations. No telling what would happen if I skipped a day. How cool to create your own reality every morning -- what could be more powerful? But a tiny part of me expected to be crushed like a bug if I slipped up.
Prosperity, first of all, because being poor takes too much time and energy. "I enjoy my new-found prosperity," I said aloud, making sure to keep my tone clear and positive. Next: "I have all the money I need." No, wait... "I have more money than I need."
I reached for the dream bracelet my friend Sylvie had made me: tiny black and gray beads with M-O-N-E-Y spelled out in little white cubes. Money, or the lack of it, is an issue I've been dealing with for a long time. Universe, could we please move on?
I continued, making sure to keep the positive energy flowing: "I am a wonderful mother." Because raising a fifteen-year-old boy is too challenging to leave to chance. No bracelet for that. If he saw it, he'd smell weakness on my part, and I'd be toast.
I went downstairs to the kitchen to start the day with my usual healthy green drink, mixed in a martini shaker to distract me from its vile taste.
Feed the cat, feed the fish, feed the dog, make some organic Earl Gray and sprouted bread, slathered with organic, non-genetically-engineered butter substitute. If I get hit by a bus today, I will be an exquisitely healthy corpse.
While the tea is steeping, spin 33 times clockwise. It opens up all the chakras and has the added benefit of completely freaking out the rest of the household. Keeps them in line.
Then upstairs to wake the kid. I knocked and opened the door.
"Leonardo, time to get up."
"I'm up, I'm up," came a voice from way under the covers.
I walked across the room to open the blinds, risking life and limb as I dodged tripods and camera bags, electric guitars and amps of all sizes, with their accompanying cords.
"Ma, don't you dare open the blinds! You know I hate the light."
"Flirting with the Dark Side again, are we?"
I left quickly, before he could throw a pillow at me. Ten minutes later, we emerged from our respective rooms, both dressed in black from head to toe, the blackness relieved only be gold hoop earrings -- his and mine. And gray-green eyes. Also his and mine.
"Flirting with the Dark Side again, Ma?"
"Smartass."
Laundry is a breeze at our house. Leonardo dresses all in black because he's a Metalhead. I dress all in black because I'm lazy and black always looks chic, no matter how little thought and effort you put into it. Bliss, the cat, was color-coordinated to minimize shedding damage, but Gaia, with her white-and-red coat, had put a serious crimp in our personal grooming.
"Walk the dog before you go to school," I reminded Leonardo.
"I always do," he replied, in a voice that had the dog headed in the opposite direction.
'Have a nice day, honey."
"My name's not honey."
"I love you," I said sweetly.
"Grr," he said, slamming the door.
I am a wonderful mother.
I am a wonderful mother.
I am a wonderful mother.
Okay, okay, I growled back at her, opening my eyes with some difficulty. I sat up, dislodging Gaia, who jumped off. I started to get up, then remembered I still had to do my affirmations. No telling what would happen if I skipped a day. How cool to create your own reality every morning -- what could be more powerful? But a tiny part of me expected to be crushed like a bug if I slipped up.
Prosperity, first of all, because being poor takes too much time and energy. "I enjoy my new-found prosperity," I said aloud, making sure to keep my tone clear and positive. Next: "I have all the money I need." No, wait... "I have more money than I need."
I reached for the dream bracelet my friend Sylvie had made me: tiny black and gray beads with M-O-N-E-Y spelled out in little white cubes. Money, or the lack of it, is an issue I've been dealing with for a long time. Universe, could we please move on?
I continued, making sure to keep the positive energy flowing: "I am a wonderful mother." Because raising a fifteen-year-old boy is too challenging to leave to chance. No bracelet for that. If he saw it, he'd smell weakness on my part, and I'd be toast.
I went downstairs to the kitchen to start the day with my usual healthy green drink, mixed in a martini shaker to distract me from its vile taste.
Feed the cat, feed the fish, feed the dog, make some organic Earl Gray and sprouted bread, slathered with organic, non-genetically-engineered butter substitute. If I get hit by a bus today, I will be an exquisitely healthy corpse.
While the tea is steeping, spin 33 times clockwise. It opens up all the chakras and has the added benefit of completely freaking out the rest of the household. Keeps them in line.
Then upstairs to wake the kid. I knocked and opened the door.
"Leonardo, time to get up."
"I'm up, I'm up," came a voice from way under the covers.
I walked across the room to open the blinds, risking life and limb as I dodged tripods and camera bags, electric guitars and amps of all sizes, with their accompanying cords.
"Ma, don't you dare open the blinds! You know I hate the light."
"Flirting with the Dark Side again, are we?"
I left quickly, before he could throw a pillow at me. Ten minutes later, we emerged from our respective rooms, both dressed in black from head to toe, the blackness relieved only be gold hoop earrings -- his and mine. And gray-green eyes. Also his and mine.
"Flirting with the Dark Side again, Ma?"
"Smartass."
Laundry is a breeze at our house. Leonardo dresses all in black because he's a Metalhead. I dress all in black because I'm lazy and black always looks chic, no matter how little thought and effort you put into it. Bliss, the cat, was color-coordinated to minimize shedding damage, but Gaia, with her white-and-red coat, had put a serious crimp in our personal grooming.
"Walk the dog before you go to school," I reminded Leonardo.
"I always do," he replied, in a voice that had the dog headed in the opposite direction.
'Have a nice day, honey."
"My name's not honey."
"I love you," I said sweetly.
"Grr," he said, slamming the door.
I am a wonderful mother.
I am a wonderful mother.
I am a wonderful mother.